It turned out that the earnest people waving and motioning and pointing at my car were trying to tell me that the back tire was flat. It took less than an hour to be able to count the blessings in the sequence of events-
that I was prompted to take heed and stop to check why those drivers were so interested in my van;
that that gas station man came out to tell us that the power was out;
that the same man had a phone number for the tire repair shop;
that it happened there, right by the gas station, not on the highway, not on the bridge;
that we could contact the people we were meeting and tell them that we wouldn't be there;
that I had a spare, and a tire man came to put it on (because I had not a clue where to begin);
that I had a friend to share the adventure with and that she knows flat tire words in Spanish...
Even still, standing in the shade and warm breeze, smelling the rubber and musty grit, hearing the clanks and whirls of the shop, watching the wounded tire in an old bathtub, looking for the tell-tale bubbles to float from the yet hidden gash, I confess I then thought, "but why, Lord?" Oh I am fickle, and ungrateful! Those two conflicting responses, recognizing blessing and questioning circumstance, clash so resoundingly. I am thankful, and yet in situations like this, doubt, at the very least- question, God's sovereignty.
Dr. Dan Allender defines ambivalence as "the emotional battle with two (or more) minds, wills, and desires. It is not being double-minded in the sense of being duplicitous or two-faced; rather, it is feeling two contrary energies moving us in opposite directions, being caught in the bind of opposing desires, feeling divided and torn. Yet, I am certain of He who desires good for those who are called according to His purpose. Not because of my merit. Not because of anything I have done or will ever do. Simply because of Christ. My sinful doubts and my trust in Christ both lead me to value the Gospel even more.
Today I replaced the spare, ready for the next trip.
And today I affirm, not at all hesitant, that "The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see." (Hebrews 11:1, The Message) That is certain blessing.
No comments:
Post a Comment