not mere pulsing emotions

And then, the only sounds to be heard came from the spin and churn of the washing machine, the rush of traffic several street away, and the song of a bird passing by. And of course, a dog barking, somewhere.

Relative silence, perhaps, but silence indeed in comparison to the 45 minutes that preceded it, the 45 minutes filled with a shirt lost and found, breakfasts eaten, lunches made, homework gathered, feet shod, and an exodus out the door.

I hate that I was eager for the leaving, and knowing we couldn’t heal anything this morning, I prayed that they would be more cheerful for others and saw them out the door. Tired before the day has barely begun, I am reminded of words I recently read in Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts:

I know it well after a day smattered with rowdiness an worn a bit ragged with bickering, that I may feel disappointment and the despair may flood high, but to give thanks is an action and rejoice is a verb, and these are not mere pulsing emotions. While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving.

True saints know that the place where all joy comes from is far deeper than that of feelings; joy comes from the place of the very presence of God.

And so, that is where I will choose to dwell today, in the action of thanks and with the verb of rejoice, in the very presence of God.