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10 June 2017

153/365

If you have a key to the house and permission to enter, it doesn't count as stealing, even if it sure feels like it, right?
That boom box? Flashback gold.
And those girls? Making me laugh since 1999...

152/365

Usually the end of vacation finds me ready to be home, but not this time. Two days was not nearly enough. I felt the acedia coming on. Leaving the beach and friends leaving and a dear saint departed to glory, and I resist that heaviness of the urge to flee. I creep on to normal, to obeying the calendar, to making a giant salad and driving down the road to gather. The plodding pays off; the reward comes sitting around the table with close ones who make no demands and community that is easy. Again, more grace than I deserve.

02 June 2017

151/365

Sunrise walk barefoot and hot coffee and slow reading and slow moving.
Turtles with prostheses and turtles crawling and turtles waving hello during underwater ballet.
Pistachio frozen yogurt with mini chocolate chips.
Salad and salsa and crispy pita chips.
Sand and sun and reapply and reapply.
A fat green tube and bobbing and bopping over and under and through the waves.
Conjunto tunes and children running and bright umbrellas and seagulls stalking.
Crispy around the edges.
Grilled shrimp and grilled fish and creamy slaw and tangy sauce.
Quiet in the near dark.
Slide in and still between clean cool sheets.

150/365

At the Sea-Side

When I was down beside the sea 
A wooden spade they gave to me 
To dig the sandy shore. 
My holes were empty like a cup. 
In every hole the sea came up 
Till it could come no more.
-Robert Louis Stevenson, 1947

31 May 2017

149/365

Here's the truth-
Their work involves hooking up wires and a multimeter and calculations that I really don't understand.
But these two curious minds finish guitar class and skip soccer to sit with my favorite geek and a light bulb and I'm pretty impressed.

148/365

A secret can be a hard thing to keep.
I blew it with one daughter, in a "did I really just say that out loud?" moment.
In an instant, in a case of Very Bad Timing, another one saw incriminating email and the gig was up.
But despite my general inability to lie well, another, although justifiably extremely suspicious, really did not know until the very end. (Who could have guessed that the plane arriving in Harlingen originated in Omaha? And our friends from Omaha? Well, they actually flew out of Kansas City...?)

Do you remember your childhood best friends? That family who lived down the street? Those kids who crisscrossed your yard and were in and out of your house? The ones who manned the corner lemonade stands with you and swam at the neighborhood pool with you and survived the most awkward memories of your youth with you?

Those are the girls who came to visit mine today.   And all of our hearts swell in gratitude. Welcome back to the Holliday house, Lucy and Maddie!

147/365

An Saturday afternoon in south Texas.
One chore after another filled my day-
picking up and cleaning counters and mopping floors. Making lists and running errands and grocery shopping.
But stop.

Look at that wide open sky.
Ahhhh.
South Texas.

146/365

They walked down the aisle, clad in traditional cap and gown. We waved our hands in mad applause. Waved our hands? These proud students claim their status as the first Mexican secundaria equivalency graduates of Instituto Isaias 55, the first deaf school in Reynosa. My teammates tell me stories about when one of these boys started school, kicking and screaming, really- kicking staff in the shins. But over time, they have learned to communicate using Mexican sign language, and they have learned the skills necessary to operate in the real world, and they have learned about Jesus. So this day, we celebrate the students. We celebrate their families and the school staff that labored alongside of them, and we dream of even bigger victories in the years to come.

(To see a news story about the graduation on the local news, here's a link... Vallevision- I55)

145/365

Sunrise certainly ranks as my primary motivation for getting out of the house early. I can wake up before dawn, no problem. I'm a go to my desk, read, pray, drink coffee alone, quiet before anyone else is awake, kind of girl. Some days, I see the shadowy pastels of morning and know that I missed it, and I really can barely think about lacing my shoes. Seeing the orange on the horizon, that's the money.

26 May 2017

144/365

God, all nature sings thy glory,
and thy works proclaim thy might;
ordered vastness in the heavens,
ordered course of day and night;
beauty in the changing seasons,
beauty in the storming sea;
all the changing moods of nature
praise the changeless Trinity,


Clearer still we see thy hand
in man whom thou hast made for thee;
ruler of creation's glory,
image of thy majesty.
Music, art, the fruitful garden,
all the labor of his days,
are the calling of his Maker
to the harvest feast of praise.


But our sins have spoiled thine image,
nature, conscience only serve
as unceasing, grim reminders
of the wrath which we deserve.
Yet thy grace and saving mercy
in thy Word of truth revealed
claim the praise of all who know thee,
in the blood of Jesus sealed.


God of glory, power, mercy,
all creation praises thee;
we, thy creatures, would adore thee
now and through eternity.
Saved to magnify thy goodness,
grant us strength to do thy will;
with our acts as with our voices 

thy commandments to fulfill.

- "God, All Nature Sings Thy Glory," David Clowny (1960) (to the tune to Beethoven's "Ode to Joy")

24 May 2017

143/365

True friends are hard to find. 
They stick closer than family, and often know you better. They pray bigger things for you than you pray for yourself. They believe with you when your faith is weak. They make space for you when life falls apart, and they rejoice with you when all is well. Most importantly, true friends remind you in every encounter who and what is most important.
We sit across from the table from one another at the no frills Mexican restaurant on the edge of my 'hood. We no longer need to look at the menu- the order is always the same, always tacos, juevos and tocino, tostado for me, and  juevos, tocino, papas y queso, tostado for her. We cover the eggs with warm salsa, spooned from a plastic cup. We start with coffee and then accept refills about 4 times, the last one reluctantly, before we recognize that one more cup may lead to all-day tremors. We have a list, because time passes way too quickly and we are easily distracted and there are things that have to be spoken out-loud, too complicated for text and the quick crossings of life during our normal week.

About an hour into the early morning rendezvous, she receives a text from home.
Where are you?
She sends a picture of me holding coffee.
A smiley emoji comes as a reply, and a moment later,
Good for you.
And then the dot-dot-dot of activity on the other side of screen. At the ding of a new text, my friend shows me her screen and Proverbs 27:17-
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

And with that, both of us take a deep breath of profound thankfulness. 

23 May 2017

142/365

A tornado struck Sunday evening, and although that event happened 150 miles to the west of us, we felt the effects even the next day. The twister twisted the high tension power line towers in Nuevo Laredo almost like a child's Erector set, and as such, electricity flickered in and out all day along the Mexican side of the border. I showed up to the neighborhood elementary school to find the gates locked up and kids playing in the streets. In these still muggy days, the hardest part of no power is definitely no air conditioning, no fans. Somehow, the lights came back on in time for the evening activities, and the kids were ready to go. 'Tis definitely the season para paraguas at the border.

22 May 2017

141/365

Dear A Dog's Purpose-

I wept.
Flat out, ugly cry, gasping out loud for air, sobbed.

I thought I knew what I was getting into. I thought I was ready for a dog movie. Maybe it was the combination of the kids growing up and the dog growing old and my own kids growing up and my own dog getting old. Maybe it was the very familiar voice of the dog, one with words similar to those we imagine our own pup speaking. No matter, the cinema experience this afternoon was something akin to ripping out my heart and stomping on it, four times.

Then we came home and told our old man Dillon what a good dog he is. Yes, he has fulfilled his purpose.

No more dog movies for a while, okay?
Thanks.
k.

140/365

Really, who wouldn't want their ball to come back through the gator's mouth? How is it that playing under the lights and aquatic life is somehow that much more cool than the ordinary bowling alley? And bowling balls with fish and hunting dogs and alligator eye balls? It somehow makes up for a very sub-par game, salvaged only by a semi-miraculous tenth frame that pushed my score across the 100 point threshold. Playing with this alley-full is nothing but laughs.

139/365

And then there were none.
We graduated our last high school students on Friday evening. Five graduation in five years.
Phew.

It has been a rich journey, traveling this road of homeschooling. Our primary inspiriation for the very intentional decision to keep our kids home for school came from Scripture, from passages such as
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Deuteronomy 6:4-8

We began to homeschool not as a statement against anything, only as a means to teach our kids about the Lord our God throughout our day, in our coming in and going out. In addition, we were an active-duty military family in those days, and we knew that we would face frequent moves. Homeschooling allowed us to keep that one thing constant even in the midst of change.

Over the years, we found deep community and sweet fellowship among fellow homeschoolers. Our kids have never lacked for friendships, for opportunities to socialize. They have participated in extracurricular activities and athletics. They have been challenged by other teachers and students in learning opportunities outside the walls of our home. They have read 30-50 books a year as part of their history and literature curriculum. They went searching for rocks and dissected crawdads and fish and frogs and mixed up chemicals in science labs. They are fairly well-rounded students, college-ready by the highest state standard.

But perhaps even more importantly, through the flexibility of homeschooling, we were allowed opportunity for service, and to spend parts of our days looking outside our family. For years, we delivered meals to homebound seniors and invalids. We could be the last minute drop-in care for friends needing a place to send their kids. We could serve the church and her body, together. We met many characters and we have written many stories, together.

After nearly twenty years of raising up these young people, I well know that there is no perfect educational scenario. There were many times when I thought, maybe there's another, a better, option. Yes- we missed some things- no choir or band where we live, no opportunity for varsity sport competition. Quite likely, my kids would have had higher test scores with a better and more diligent math teacher. Homeschooling is not an 8-4 job. Perhaps one of the hardest part of homeschooling is that to make an opportunity, you sometimes have to make it yourself. We found others who wanted a prom, who would participate in student council, who joined us for commencement.

And yet, I feel certain that the words and the love of the Lord are written on my kids' hearts, and for that, I have no greater joy. I know, that is not my work but all the generous grace of our God. I am grateful for these 20 years, and eager to see what the next chapter holds for all of us.

20 May 2017

138/365

(ummm... confession: I had the chicken tortilla soup...)

137/365

A day full from sunrise to sunset and beyond. But to end the day with these three families together was indeed a picture of Psalm 133-
 How wonderful, how beautiful,
    when brothers and sisters get along!
It’s like costly anointing oil
    flowing down head and beard,
Flowing down Aaron’s beard,
    flowing down the collar of his priestly robes.
It’s like the dew on Mount Hermon
    flowing down the slopes of Zion.
Yes, that’s where God commands the blessing,
    ordains eternal life.

Praying for you through your adventures and travel home safe, dear Bickels! 

19 May 2017

136/365

When you take your charges to the playground, you will see the lawnmower man come by in his very noisy cutting machine.
And when the lawnmower man comes by in his very noisey cutting machine, you will see a rabbit scurry through the tall grass for safety.
You will see the lawnmower man get off his machine and get out his tools and check the valves on the sprinklers.
And when he checks the valves on the sprinklers, you will hear the spurt and spizz of the water coming through the sprayers.
You will see your charges yelp for joy.
And you will see them suddenly running and jumping through the morning mist.
Your charges will run and jump through the morning mist, and get wet and cut grass will cover their feet and splotches of mud will paint their legs.
And you will wonder if an apartment complex has a hose.
You will find that an apartment complex does NOT have a hose so you will try to herd your charges to the bathtub to rinse off without covering the floor with grass.
And you will find that your charges get completely undressed and decide to take a full-fledged bath.
You will run the bath and add a cap full of bubbles just because.
And you will laugh as they pour pitchers of water over one another.
You will dry them off and re-clothe them and color with them and feed them and watch a movie with them.
And then your charges will be ready to go to the playground...

135/365

Something about an almost dead battery and a LED light and a couple of wires and making the connections so that the bulb suddenly glows...
yeah, that's it,
making the connection so that the bulb suddenly glows.

134/365

A just right day for Mom's.

16 May 2017

133/365

Out the door and turn left,
past the ballcaps,
past the jewelry, silver sunbeam shiny,
past the offers for medicines,
past the offers for dental work,
past the offers for pedicures,
past the cheese and avocados,
past the bright paper flowers,
around slow sidewalk strollers carrying micheladas so early in the day,
around the little girls with chicles,
around the ladies with nopales,
around the blind woman leaning against the wall with her cup extended,
around the shoeshine man.
One more left turn to Texitas,
one order of tacos,
shells crisp from hot grease,
carne molida seasoned just so,
cilantro and lettuce and onions and white crumbly cheese,
tomato sliced thin and avocado creamy on top,
spicy green sauce tucked in between,
para llevar, por favor.

15 May 2017

132/365

Here might be a primary problem with homeschooling-
if you want something to happen, you might just have to make it happen yourself.

Graduation=T-1week

13 May 2017

131/365

Half-price frappucinos
and a meet-up at Target
and friends at the door
and tables pushed together
and girls who make me laugh
and boys who make me smile.

130/365

Mil gracias, Grace,
for being our lifesaver when Spanish 1312 was cancelled the very day classes were to begin;
for teaching with skill and contagious enthusiam;
for providing my Wednesday morning coffee;
for filling part of the hole in my Poppy heart;
for giving me a reason to play with Thomas and to read about George;
for the bonus of free sign language tutoring;
for a delicious bonus final cooking class.
¡Eres bien preciosa a nosotras!

12 May 2017

129/365

A most faithful bunch, they spent their Tuesday evenings serving together, week after week, since way back in September.

One keeps us on time, and under a serious countenance, cares deeply for the people she serves, sitting alongside and softly making corrections. Another comes in, always with multiple kids in tow, rushing in from after-school tutoring or homework and snacks. She's taught while pregnant, and with a newborn in a sling, and with a toddler fussing for her and with her sweet girl dancing in and out of classroom door.

One keeps the kids, and pushes them on the swing and makes sure they don't jump off the slide, and paints the girls' nails and keeps order. Another makes sure that the students know the history lesson, speaks with perfect diction, and has that dry sense of humor keeps us shaking our heads.

One arrives straight from work, our bouncer, standing guard at the door, and pouring lemonade for all the kids he has given nicknames. Another is my constant ear and encourager, my teaching partner, always ready to fill a vacancy, always my go-to grammar expert.

One kept teaching while preparing for a wedding and virtually commuting back and forth across 330 miles. Another plays games with the kids and answers the constant peppering of "Miss Sarah, yes or no?" One started at the door and then agreed to teach to fill a hole, even in the middle of toothaches.

I can't forget my favorite sub, the only one who I really trust with my lesson plans when I can't be there to teach. There's my snack lady who fills our pantry and keeps us supplied with juice and Cuties. There's the one I need to sit at the door and wait for new students. There are my pastors, who prepare devotions and pray without ceasing (and set out the tables and chairs which I am quite sure is not in the job description) and give this grateful girl a place to serve. They are my ESL staff and I couldn't be more grateful for them. Well done, friends.

10 May 2017

128/365

Sometimes art class gets a little out of hand...

(And then I notice, I think I am mellowing. Slowly. Because really, I hate mixing all the colors into green-gray-purple ooze. And really, why would you want paint all over your hands? But really, is this the big thing today? Soap and paper towels are cheap, but smiles are priceless.)

Grace. More grace.

127/365

Many many years ago my family started the practice of sitting towards the front of the church. Like most weekly church-goers, we have a row of chairs that we naturally gravitate towards, a home base of sorts. But on this Sunday, an unknowing visitor got to those seats ahead of us. We moved up one more row, now only one family in front of us.

For me, the only downside to sitting up front is that you don't see who is sitting behind you. If I don't get to the back quickly enough after the service, I may never even know some folks were worshipping with me. But on this Sunday, we also had that particular blessing of sharing communion. The current practice of our church is that the entire congregation files forward to the front, one by one, one row after another. Our pastors and elders serve each participant a tiny square of flaky flat bread and a tiny cup of wine. We then return down the side aisles to our chairs and wait to eat and drink together.

And so, sitting there and waiting, I saw nearly everyone in the congregation pass by. My youngest buddies waved. A friend I had not seen for several weeks grabbed my hand. My teammate squeezed my shoulder. I watched young moms and dads wrangle kids up the aisle. I saw a lady whisper to a teen and they exchanged grins. I noticed the ladies in Mexican dresses and the guys in boots and jeans and the little girls in swirly skirts and the little boys whose shirts are never ever tucked quite all the way in. Then I watched our elders carefully slip between music stands and guitar necks and bow strokes to serve our musicians, knowing who prefers the wine and who wants the juice without even asking.

The Lord's Supper is that tangible reminder of the grace Jesus purchased for us on the cross, giving his body and his blood for our salvation. But it is also a reminder of the grace we need and the forgiveness we require every day, living out life on this side of heaven. How thankful I am for the work of Chirst, for the body, for the fellowship of believers, for the opportunity to know and remember again how very sweet the gospel of Christ is.

(and of course, the photo has nothing to do with any of that. Later in the afternoon, we gathered together for Bible study and that beautiful bird got a pass out of his cage to visit with us...)


07 May 2017

126/365

My first taste of shaved ice came in Oahu. Don't call it a snow cone. The premium shaved ice, the five cone rating by Holliday standards, can be found at Matsumato's on Oahu's North Shore. It's not like any other. In fact, it may ruin you for ordinary snow cones for the rest of your life. They shave blocks of blue ice into powdery snow. The syrup flavors in technicolor. A little scoop of rich vanilla ice cream at the bottom of the cup serves to both keep the syrup from dripping out the bottom of the cone and to create a final taste sensation. When we were stationed at Pearl Harbor for a blur of 11 months, I probably visited Matsumoto's 12 times.  If you go to Oahu, you must go to Haleiwa. Really, you must.

And now, in some crazy form of six degrees of separation, my twins work for Kona Ice. They never lived in Hawaii, and only know Matsumoto's by one blessed visit. But thanks to their crazy mom, they know raspas, the Mexican version of shaved ice. One coincidence leads to another and then my twinsees are making shaved ice in a food truck. Their mom beams.

It was a Saturday funk, I'll say, a low of lows. But the sun was bright, and the Texas tradition of Market Days drew me out. That turned out to be good medicine. My Sarah's sweet boss comp'd me a cup and I flavored it Mango Cherry. I spotted a dear friend across the way and brought one to her. Who doesn't love a shaved ice on a warm day? Find one, friend. It will do you good.

125/365

Have you heard about the Nike sponsored effort to run a sub-2 hour marathon?
I'm a little bit obsessed in reading about it.

(Reading about it- yes. Running a race- no. I am not at all interested in running a marathon. Let's be honest- on this day I thought I'd take 2 mile jog through the 'hood. I quit at 1.35 miles. The guys training for the marathon, they would have been nearing mile 5 in about the same amount of time... Yes. I recognize the irony.)

But back to those guys- this goal is not just about  running. It's not a mid-morning trot around the 'hood. Arguably, this race to a sub-2 marathon may be more about science and equipment and nutrition and location and weather, and perhaps even money. Eliud Kichoge of Kenya finished the race on Saturday with a time of 2:00:25. One second faster per mile and he would have finished those 26.2 miles in 2 hours. So close. After it was all over, he said his effort was one hundred percent of what he had to give. In a video made for Nike before the race, Kipchoge said, "It's not about the legs. It's about the heart and the mind."

I'll get up tomorrow morning and remind myself of that.

124/365

In friendship...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another...the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting--any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.
― C.S. LewisThe Four Loves

123/365

To pay attention, this our endless and proper work.
- Mary Oliver, White Pine: Poems and Prose

03 May 2017

122/365

Good habits protect what’s most important. They keep us on the track of perseverance even when we don’t feel like persevering. They help us access the channels of God’s ongoing grace in the times we need it most (often when we don’t feel like it), and so preserve and keep our souls. Good spiritual habits keep us in God’s word, and in prayer, and among God’s people, even as we ride the emotional ups and downs of life.
- "God Will Hold You Through Your Habits," David Mathis, Desiring God Ministries

I am a creature of habit, and nothing says that more than Tuesdays. I wake up. I run. I go to my Bible reading plan. I read a chapter in a book. I go over my memory verses. (I drink a latte.) I shower. I set up tables at church. I pray with my friend. I prepare dinner. I go to church at 4:30. I make coffee. I pray. I teach. 
Almost every single week. Almost without fail.

Sure, some of that is just routine. But the most important elements of that daily regimen are ingrained deep in my soul. And honestly, those habits, the simple discipline of doing the same thing day after day, week after week, were great grace to me when we went through the rocky waves of the past winter, when moment to moment was to do the next thing. They remain so even now when I wake in a funk. The habits of the Word and of prayer and of gathering together, they persist as more than ordinary grace. 

Mathis writes, "Habits of grace for hearing God’s voice in his word, having his ear in prayer, and belonging to his body help us get our eyes off ourselves so that we might regularly taste “the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Philippians 3:8). They help to make persevering in the faith not be about our technique and actions, but about knowing Jesus." No treasure could be greater.




121/365

Apparently completely oblivious to cultural norms, the kids began to arrive at 4, though we planned for the party to start at 6. The first group helped to raise the banners and move the tables. The girls made their own games with foam mats, little houses and then hopscotch. The Jenga blocks became construction materials, buildings exceeding the height of the little ones (until inevitably, the boys knocked them down- what do you expect?). We played Lotería with real prizes. We hopped and raced and scrambled. We ate hot dogs Mexican style with mustard and ketchup and mayonnaise and tomatoes and cheese and onions and jalapeños and washed it all down with cool jamaica. A whole bunch of kids schemed on how to get an extra treat bag- no, they are not for your toddler sister who barely has teeth and doesn't yet talk. No, they are not for your mom. No, they are not for your aunt. But, if you are our very adorable elderly next door neighbor and you want a treat bag, yes- there is definitely one more bag for you.
Día de los Niños- even for the young at heart.

30 April 2017

119/365

This morning through the 'hood-
pastel pinks shading the clouds gradually changing to the bright orange globe of sunrise,
birds chirping high in the palms,
the woody smell of barbeque meats smoking,
the tell-tale clean of Fabulosa,
sprinklers rotating across thirsty lawns,
chihuahuas chasing me down the street,
and two pups cheerful to find a new friend.

118/365

Dishes put washed and dried and put away, cake covered linens in the wash, train tracks stored, crumpled colored tissue paper wrapping gathered up, and a content sigh for the day- remembering again the blessing of sharing celebration and the blessing of community that becomes family. We have much to celebrate!

117/365

“And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on."

- Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go

Ah well, it's a bit of a sad thing that the fashion gene skipped a generation. I have no better advice than to search for You Tube video instruction and no better encouragement than to offer a hearty "you can certainly do this!" I promise, we weren't lying when we said, "You look wonderful!" We wouldn't let you NOT look wonderful! I love you both for breathing deep and for wedging your feet into too small shoes and for stretching beyond your comfort zone and for loving those who love you in this little way.

27 April 2017

116/365

I didn't accomplish a single thing on the to-do list. The truth is, I never even made the list. Oh, there's plenty of tasks that need to be accomplished, that could queue up and wait their turn. But on this day, I just kept doing the next thing.
Or not.

I shuffled through the 'hood for the first time in a month and gave myself a pat on the back for just going out, because any accolades sure would not  have been for my pace! I showered, which everyone around me for the remainder of the day can be thankful for. I tried to play with my buddy, and finally he fell asleep watching a video. I did the newspaper crossword. I spent way too much time trying to trick my very broken iPad into letting me play Words with Friends (and no- there is not a way to trick a broken iPad). I tried to sweeten the day with a mango raspa, which was pretty good but sugar only satisfies for a moment you know, and sometimes even peace offerings are not enough.

Really, it was an ordinary day, probably not all that much different from that of anyone else. Still, I walked into dinner grumpy, maybe a bit weary. And yet, grace abounds. The care of a friend to stop me spoke volumes. The surprise of a pledge kept gave me a reason to look outside of myself. The evening lesson taught a timely reminder of our God's sovereignty. We had enough time to pray without hurry. I could dash through a door for a quick couple of minutes to review heart truths. The weight of some days press down, and yet, we continue to look to the things unseen.

26 April 2017

a birthday

We never celebrated a birthday together, since we never lived in the same place. Truth be told, we don't always connect on birthdays, coordinating schedules and phone calls and such. And shamefully, I am often tardy to the post office and gifts don't always arrive when they should. But on this day, I especially remembered the day this guy was born. (I was on a trip to the Mall of America and shopping with friends. The labor took days. We kept waiting on updates and worked hard not to pester. We had lots of time to scour sales racks and amass a small wardrobe for a little guy.)

But today, I grieved that he's not here with us to celebrate. It's been four months and a couple of weeks since Harper died, and no- we're not over it yet. (Yes- I've been asked that. Yes- I've tried to be gracious even so.)

My daughter asked us to share some memories of Harper. You know, Ashley and Tom, how very much we love him. Harper was so very curious. I loved to answer his "why" questions and watch him think and consider the answers (and then challenge me again). I loved to read him stories and hear him debate with his brother the qualities that make one superhero more super than the other. I loved how he would snuggle up right up to my side but not in a demanding or consuming sort of way. I loved how in him I see Ashley, the same inquisitive blue eyes, the same sort of blond cowlicks, the same know-no-stranger friendliness. I loved that he took one more selfie with me at the airport that day.

The memories are sweet, but oh how I long for eternity together.
Happy birthday, buddy.

115/365

That photo- it doesn't begin to do justice to the beauty of the morning. It doesn't show the warm gusty winds, the shadow of the clouds across the fields, the true blue of the sky, or the emerald greens of new growth. I want to remember that the scene was enough to draw me to the side of the road to kneel down and try to capture the moment.

The morning reminded me of the importance of living with intention- and of being purposeful to take time to be still. How do you put words to the value of gathering to pray, no chatter, no requests, but directly to heads bowed down and voices lifted up? How many times have we seen our Father's faithfulness in very specific answers to petition? I have lost count. But it's not just that, as He would yet be good even if we never knew a single Yes. It's also the sitting quiet and remembering and knowing with absolute certainty, we are His. Oh that mystery, that He lives to make intercession for us, and yet, we are commanded to rejoice always, to pray without ceasing, to give thanks in all circumstances. I needed that time, and on this day, I am thankful for those reminders of His steadfast lovingkindness.

114/365

It took a somewhat mad rush to get from one side of the Rio Grande Valley to the other on time, waiting on an attorney and judge with the clock ticking, coordinating rides and meeting points, negotiating highway backups and a jackknifed semi-truck and a road full of mulch, stop and go traffic, and why on earth don't people go on green and stop on red? But, we arrived and slid into our seats just as the introductions began. The tribe came out in full strength to cheer on our director and our actress (though she was really a natural for the part- we are pretty sure no acting was really involved!). And you gave us a reason to gather for our own post-production party, besides! Bravo, friends!

25 April 2017

113/365

“You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for another. The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to us the beauties of others.” C. S. Lewis

What are those qualities that attract one person to another? I'm not really sure why I have won the favor of my little friend. But her gifts of crayon-colored church bulletins after the worship service and the  firecracker blossom plucked from the front lawn make my heart swell. It is a sweet thing, to stop and bend down to kindergarten perspective and see the world with different eyes.

23 April 2017

112/365

The sun streams through the window, illuminating the dust of the border town in the morning light. Outside the window, vendors begin their day, hawking woven baskets and woven bracelets, straw hats and paper flowers, cut nopal and strands of garlic, whirly toys and bobbling birds, chicles and sweets in a cardboard box. A shoeshine man sets down his wooden box and stool, stained with black and streaked with brown, and briskly polishes worn boots to a new glossy sheen. A man pauses to lean against the column before moving on. Children clamor for biscuits and mermelada toasting on a hot griddle. Shoppers stroll, open cans of beer in hand and it seems too early in the day for that. Bright plastic sacks and the ever-present plaid bags and even a luggage cart stacked high carry the morning purchases.

And inside, the drill whines for a root canal.

111/365

Friday was
books,
and greetings,
and books,
and driving,
and waiting,
and hope for the future,
and friends,
and familiar places,
and comfort food,
and the drive home,
and ready to drop in bed.

22 April 2017

110/365

You must be imaginative, strong-hearted. You must try things that may not work, and you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true - anyone can cook... but only the fearless can be great.
- Gusteau in Ratatouille

Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.
- Joshua 1:9 (MSG)

21 April 2017

109/365

Little did I know, that all the talk that day would be about some unicorn pink and blue sparkly drink.
No thanks.
Give me Raspa Wednesday.

108/365

The will-o'-the-wisp, end-of-the-rainbow, daydream idea of happiness, of happy marriages, happy families, happy people, and "having a right to happiness" doesn't touch upon reality.
   What is family? A family is a blending of people for whom a career of making a shelter in the time of storm is worth a lifetime! A Christian family is meant to be different because of its knowledge that human beings are significant in this life and throughout eternity. A Christian family has been given enough in God's verbalized Word to know that when one part of the body hurts, the rest of the body is affected and does something to help.
- Edith Schaeffer, What is a Family?

19 April 2017

107/365

I sat, one of 90 in the potential juror pool, and considered the question before me- "Do you believe that life is the result of destiny or that it is a matter of choices?"
As if it is simply a decision of one or the other?

I can't answer that I think that life events are determined by the most pure definition of "destiny," a predetermined state of events "which implies an inevitable and usually adverse outcome." Although I do believe in a sovereign and holy God who works providence over His creation, we are yet people who make choices.

And certainly, we know that choices have results and consequences that can tremendously alter the course of life. I wasn't chosen for that jury- so I'll never know what decisions led up to the moment that night when two lives ended and another was forever changed.

I finished my day in court and had over an hour of driving to think about the day, and the questions. My destination is the generally less-than-desirable Mexican border neighborhood that has become our second home. The kids there, they have not had any more choice over where they live than the kids in upscale neighborhoods across the river have chosen their homes. Neither choose the people who come in and out of their lives, what they observe and learn in the world around them. The Aquilles kids no more choose what they experience or the memories they keep than middle-class American kids do.

We go about our project for the evening, filling in the letters of our first name with the arcoíris, the colors of the spectrum of the rainbow. I am reminded, again, that each of these kids is unique, and uniquely known to our God. He gave the promise of the covenant long ago. He calls His people and never leaves them alone.

But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
    he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.

Isaiah 43:1-2 (ESV)

I wonder if all the people back in the courtroom are remembering that same assurance?


SaveSave

18 April 2017

106/365

See, what a morning, gloriously bright, 
With the dawning of hope in Jerusalem; 
Folded the grave-clothes, tomb filled with light, 
As the angels announce, “Christ is risen!” 
See God’s salvation plan, 
Wrought in love, borne in pain, paid in sacrifice, 
Fulfilled in Christ, the Man, 
For He lives: Christ is risen from the dead! 

- "See What a Morning," by Keith Getty and Stuart Townsend

The girls bought themselves new dresses to wear for Easter- and doesn't it seem right for that day when God the Father made all things new? We put on a clean tablecloth and napkins and let the ham bake. We colored eggs and then shared a meal with dear ones. We broke eggshells over each others heads and had a mini-confetti celebration every single time. And then, maybe best of all, my favorites sat around the table with dessert and coffee and laughed and laughed.

He is risen! He is risen, indeed!

17 April 2017

105/365

Today I want to remember-
up before dawn,
And they said, "Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved...,"
bacon and egg breakfast taco with pico and green salsa,
hot coffee,
"yes, US citizen,"
a man who loves his job enough to come in on his day off,
looking down for the stars,
iced coffee and a table in the corner and no where to be,
a long uninterrupted sit,
surfboards and sharks and "how on earth did he get that shot?"
"essence energy and planet types"?,
not caring if I buy a thing,
slow wanderings,
the really delicious gyro and really good fries,
back to the palm trees,
a clean house,
end of the day content,
promise of tomorrow hope.